For the few of you that actually follow this blog, this might have been your question for the last few months.
Honestly, I can't even answer that. It's somewhere dark, for sure.
I've been in a pretty bad place lately and crawling out of this midnight-black hole is a slippery, nail breaking process. But I'm working on it.
I've felt pretty overwhelmed in all aspects of my life but one that's killing me is dealing with other authors. It's starting to get to me for reasons it shouldn't. I've been trying to review and critique for friends and fellow struggling authors and though I really want to help these people, I just can't get motivated anymore. My days are busy this summer with the kids out of school and when I do have a minute to sit down and read, I just don't feel like it. I'd rather sleep. Or drink. Or watch Supernatural and get my Dean fix while I drink and before I sleep.
Also struggling with my vampire novel. I know the story is great but I feel like I just suck at telling it. No one will critique it for me or give me helpful pointers. At this point, I just don't think it will ever get published because I refuse to do a self-publish on it. I want a publishing house, however small, with an in-house editor to look at this thing.
But it isn't there yet. It still isn't quite presentable.
What to do when I feel like my own creativity is failing me? I've stepped away from it and completed other works, hoping that when I come back to it I will have a fresh perspective and better ideas. Alas, it isn't so.
Perhaps I should get someone to co-author this manuscript with me? Two heads are better than one and honestly, what could it hurt?
But how do you even go about finding someone to write with you? Who do you ask in the online world? How do you find someone that not only writes the exact same genre but has a similar line of thought?
Yes, I know this is a rather depressing post and I apologize for that but this is life. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows shooting out of a unicorn's ass while it skips through a field of daisies with a drunken leprechaun on it's back.
Sometimes it just sucks. Sometimes you get lost.
Sometimes you stumble on your way back to the light.
And sometimes you just need help. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while. I might need three to lift my ass out of this funk.
Until next time, find your happy place people and good luck with whatever problems life is throwing your way.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Friday, May 16, 2014
4 Things Stephen King Novels REALLY Taught Me
I'm a fan of Stephen King. I'm not a die-hard fan who's read everything he's ever written but I do have a bookcase of his works that I reread once in a while. I've always loved horror and fantasy but his stories involve much more complicated concepts than just things going bump in the night.
So I started thinking about what I've really taken away from his novels and why I have always enjoyed them so much. WARNING! There may be spoilers for those who haven't read some Stephen King novels.
1. Some of the scariest monsters are human.
Vampires and sorcerers and all manner of scary creatures reside in the pages of Uncle Stevie's works but often the most horrifying events occur between members of our species. A good example is James "Big Jim" Rennie from Under The Dome. Here is a character who has no problem manipulating and even murdering people for his own gain. King does a phenomenal job creating these believable characters that we can relate to but also these believable characters that we loathe. Isn't this true in real life as well?
In The Mist, we see what fear can do to normal, rational people: turn them into spineless sheep who will rally behind anyone who may have a solution, however immoral or insane it may be. This theme is used in many of his works including one of my favorite Castle Rock stories, Needful Things.
They may be just stories but I think they reflect how society reacts to stress and panic quite well.
2. Anyone can die.
I remember reading Cujo in high school and when I asked an adult I knew if they had read it, she made a disgusted face and said, "When I read the part about the boy dying, I threw it in the trash." I'm sure the horrified expression on my face was something to see. Throw a book in the TRASH! Because you didn't like the fact that the little boy died?
Let's face it, our favorite characters can't live forever. As much as I cheered for Peter at the end of The Eyes of The Dragon, I was upset but not put off by the death of Jake in The Dark Tower VII. And this poor kid died twice! It may be upsetting when one of your favorite characters dies but come on people, is it really a reason to discontinue reading a book or series that you were enjoying so much before the death?
I like that Stephen King isn't afraid to kill off a main character, even someone he's made you get quite attached to. People you love really die. Children get cancer everyday. Tomorrow I could be hit by a car. Death is a part of life. A painful part to be sure but a real one.
And sunshine and rainbows everywhere all the time isn't what I consider a great, entertaining read.
3. Happy wrap-it-up endings are nice but that's not always the case.
Continuing with the theme that doom and gloom are more believable, our protagonist doesn't always get to ride off into the sunset at the end of a book. I like it when they do (hell doesn't everyone?) but it just can't happen every time. At the end of 'Salem's Lot, Ben and Mark survive the vampires and escape but both are mentally exhausted and nearly broken. They still have to go back and kill every person in the town and that is certainly nothing to look forward to.
If you continue on and read the real ending of The Dark Tower VII, you find that Roland has traveled all this way to find the dark tower and once he enters the last room, he is transported back to the very beginning of the first book only to begin the quest anew, with no memory of having done it before. Man, that sucks.
Things can't always end well and sometimes it doesn't really end at all. And I'm okay with that.
4. I want to be a fantasy writer.
One of the biggest influences for my interest in writing fantasy and science fiction is Stephen King and the magical worlds he has created. I'm drawn into these places and fall in love with these characters every time I read one of his books. And I buy them so I can visit these stories again and again.
I want to be able to do that with my own stories. I want my readers to be unable to put it down, to thirst for the next chapter, to hunger for a sequel. I know I'll never be quite as talented as Mr. King, but I want my worlds to be known, if only for my own enjoyment.
I'm been a writer for some time now. I've had a couple works published but I still struggle to get a fantasy story in print. It can be daunting sometimes but I will continue to write and edit and rewrite because when you have a story inside you, it's something you can't contain. You have to let it out and you can only hope that others will love it the way you do. The way I love Uncle Stevie's works.
So I started thinking about what I've really taken away from his novels and why I have always enjoyed them so much. WARNING! There may be spoilers for those who haven't read some Stephen King novels.
1. Some of the scariest monsters are human.
Vampires and sorcerers and all manner of scary creatures reside in the pages of Uncle Stevie's works but often the most horrifying events occur between members of our species. A good example is James "Big Jim" Rennie from Under The Dome. Here is a character who has no problem manipulating and even murdering people for his own gain. King does a phenomenal job creating these believable characters that we can relate to but also these believable characters that we loathe. Isn't this true in real life as well?
In The Mist, we see what fear can do to normal, rational people: turn them into spineless sheep who will rally behind anyone who may have a solution, however immoral or insane it may be. This theme is used in many of his works including one of my favorite Castle Rock stories, Needful Things.
They may be just stories but I think they reflect how society reacts to stress and panic quite well.
2. Anyone can die.
I remember reading Cujo in high school and when I asked an adult I knew if they had read it, she made a disgusted face and said, "When I read the part about the boy dying, I threw it in the trash." I'm sure the horrified expression on my face was something to see. Throw a book in the TRASH! Because you didn't like the fact that the little boy died?
Let's face it, our favorite characters can't live forever. As much as I cheered for Peter at the end of The Eyes of The Dragon, I was upset but not put off by the death of Jake in The Dark Tower VII. And this poor kid died twice! It may be upsetting when one of your favorite characters dies but come on people, is it really a reason to discontinue reading a book or series that you were enjoying so much before the death?
I like that Stephen King isn't afraid to kill off a main character, even someone he's made you get quite attached to. People you love really die. Children get cancer everyday. Tomorrow I could be hit by a car. Death is a part of life. A painful part to be sure but a real one.
And sunshine and rainbows everywhere all the time isn't what I consider a great, entertaining read.
3. Happy wrap-it-up endings are nice but that's not always the case.
Continuing with the theme that doom and gloom are more believable, our protagonist doesn't always get to ride off into the sunset at the end of a book. I like it when they do (hell doesn't everyone?) but it just can't happen every time. At the end of 'Salem's Lot, Ben and Mark survive the vampires and escape but both are mentally exhausted and nearly broken. They still have to go back and kill every person in the town and that is certainly nothing to look forward to.
If you continue on and read the real ending of The Dark Tower VII, you find that Roland has traveled all this way to find the dark tower and once he enters the last room, he is transported back to the very beginning of the first book only to begin the quest anew, with no memory of having done it before. Man, that sucks.
Things can't always end well and sometimes it doesn't really end at all. And I'm okay with that.
4. I want to be a fantasy writer.
One of the biggest influences for my interest in writing fantasy and science fiction is Stephen King and the magical worlds he has created. I'm drawn into these places and fall in love with these characters every time I read one of his books. And I buy them so I can visit these stories again and again.
I want to be able to do that with my own stories. I want my readers to be unable to put it down, to thirst for the next chapter, to hunger for a sequel. I know I'll never be quite as talented as Mr. King, but I want my worlds to be known, if only for my own enjoyment.
I'm been a writer for some time now. I've had a couple works published but I still struggle to get a fantasy story in print. It can be daunting sometimes but I will continue to write and edit and rewrite because when you have a story inside you, it's something you can't contain. You have to let it out and you can only hope that others will love it the way you do. The way I love Uncle Stevie's works.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
The Gravity of Wall Street
I just watched a couple movies that I wasn't so sure about at first but ended up liking: GRAVITY and THE WOLF OF WALL STREET. Warning, there will be spoilers so if you haven't seen and plan to, leave now. Otherwise, carry on.
Now I love Sandra Bullock. Ever since SPEED, she's been my go-to girl for sweet drama and adorable laughs. But after hearing the premise for this movie, I was kinda like, eh, I don't know. But my husband brought it home from Redbox and we watched it together. Well, I watched it, he fell asleep halfway through. Not from boredom but that's just what happens when we watch movies together.
I was pretty impressed with her performance, as usual. She's an astronaut named Ryan on her first trip into space. An accident happens and she and George Clooney's character, Matt, are stuck with little oxygen and a long way to go to get back to Earth. She's flipping out and soon reveals that she'd lost her four year old daughter. "Now, I just drive. I get in the car and drive."
Throughout the movie we watch as she struggles to survive, even as Matt is lost to her. As he drifts away from her with no way to get back, Matt says "You have to learn to let go." What? Are you kidding? I'd be freaking out too if I knew someone was going to die and could still hear their voice as they slowly become a dot in the black. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Yes, this is the perfect time to freak out!
Eventually, you have this scene that takes place after she decides to just give up.
Yep, it's time to go home, alright. Time to let go and move on. It took almost dying in space for Ryan to start living, really living, again. Best line of the movie: "No more just driving. Let's go home."
WOLF OF WALL STREET was a fun movie to watch. Long, really long but still entertaining as hell. The story follows the humble beginnings of stock broker Jordan Belfort as he lies and swindles his way up the Wall Street food chain to become a millionaire. Sex and drugs and money, money, money are all he needs.
And then things start to go bad. The government starts to take notice and investigate. You can smooth talk thousands of dollars out of people's wallets and into your hand but you can't make the FBI turn a blind eye. And drugs are a serious problem with this guy. This scene had me laughing for five minutes straight.
As hilarious as this is, it's also messed up because he makes the stupidest decisions and later endangers the life of his kid while high. Not cool.
Of course it all comes crashing down around him and he has to do some jail time but he did come to realize what his real strengths were and eventually used them to help people other than himself. Because you can't be a selfish prick forever, right? Right?
Now I love Sandra Bullock. Ever since SPEED, she's been my go-to girl for sweet drama and adorable laughs. But after hearing the premise for this movie, I was kinda like, eh, I don't know. But my husband brought it home from Redbox and we watched it together. Well, I watched it, he fell asleep halfway through. Not from boredom but that's just what happens when we watch movies together.
I was pretty impressed with her performance, as usual. She's an astronaut named Ryan on her first trip into space. An accident happens and she and George Clooney's character, Matt, are stuck with little oxygen and a long way to go to get back to Earth. She's flipping out and soon reveals that she'd lost her four year old daughter. "Now, I just drive. I get in the car and drive."
Throughout the movie we watch as she struggles to survive, even as Matt is lost to her. As he drifts away from her with no way to get back, Matt says "You have to learn to let go." What? Are you kidding? I'd be freaking out too if I knew someone was going to die and could still hear their voice as they slowly become a dot in the black. And there's nothing anyone can do about it. Yes, this is the perfect time to freak out!
Eventually, you have this scene that takes place after she decides to just give up.
Yep, it's time to go home, alright. Time to let go and move on. It took almost dying in space for Ryan to start living, really living, again. Best line of the movie: "No more just driving. Let's go home."
WOLF OF WALL STREET was a fun movie to watch. Long, really long but still entertaining as hell. The story follows the humble beginnings of stock broker Jordan Belfort as he lies and swindles his way up the Wall Street food chain to become a millionaire. Sex and drugs and money, money, money are all he needs.
And then things start to go bad. The government starts to take notice and investigate. You can smooth talk thousands of dollars out of people's wallets and into your hand but you can't make the FBI turn a blind eye. And drugs are a serious problem with this guy. This scene had me laughing for five minutes straight.
As hilarious as this is, it's also messed up because he makes the stupidest decisions and later endangers the life of his kid while high. Not cool.
Of course it all comes crashing down around him and he has to do some jail time but he did come to realize what his real strengths were and eventually used them to help people other than himself. Because you can't be a selfish prick forever, right? Right?
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Paranoid Parenting
My dislike and mistrust of people has heightened more and more these past few years. Which is probably why my paranoia about my kids has become more extreme. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not excessively extreme. I don't keep them in a bubble. But honestly, they really don't get out with other kids as much as they should.
My newest addition is a month old now and I recognize the changes in my attitude about things compared to how I was when the other three were infants. Before if someone wanted to hold my little girl, I'd pass her off and enjoy having a break for a minute. Now, I tend to hover and even if I step away, I'm back within a matter of minutes to check and make sure everything is okay.
I don't think I'm going to let her stay with any grandparents alone overnight until she's at least three months old. Why? Because what if she gets hysterical with her crying and no one can calm her? What if something happens and no one can reach me for some reason? These are the fun thoughts that plague me when it comes to my littlest one.
I'm more of a bitch now to my pediatricians about all of my kids when they are sick. When I see a new pediatrician, 75% of the time they are going to say something or do something that rubs me the wrong way or straight up pisses me off. Let's just be honest, I can't stand doctors anyway. I've seen many, many doctors in my life and I can count on one hand how many I actually liked. Two fingers, really.
Pediatricians tend to talk down to me and not really listen to the symptoms I'm describing. Or they ignore my kid while they examine them, which is a big no-no. Kids are usually afraid of doctors and dentists to some degree so they have to be reassured while they're being checked out. And ignoring them or me and rushing through an exam will put you right at the top of my shit list. And that's a long list, people.
The problem with my dislike of people in general is that it is affecting my kids. Two of my kids are not very social. In fact, one doesn't like to socialize with other kids in her class at all. She didn't speak to anyone her entire year in daycare, including the teachers to the point that for a while they thought she couldn't talk or had some kind of serious speech problem.
I don't take them out on playdates. Playdates mean that I have to know other parents. And I have no idea how to make friends with some couple just because they have kids. None of my friends that live in my area have kids. And just how the hell do you find friends for kids that aren't in daycare?
This is the puzzler, the conundrum that I have to figure out to assist my kids with making friends and working on their social skills. Because they really don't need to be people-haters like me. Not yet anyway.
My oldest is nine and she is about to go out to her first sleepover next weekend. Not counting grandparents or anyone blood related, this is her first time going to a party and spending the night with a friend. This is pretty sad on my part because I'm sure that I was much younger when I went to my first sleepover. I'm just weird about sending my kids to the house of someone I don't know. Hell, I rarely let them call their friends because I know that when kids talk, they hatch out elaborate plans to get their parents to let them spend the night over. I know because I did it a lot myself. I'd rather them come over first so I can see how the kid acts. How a kid treats your kid when it's just them and how they talk to you as an adult tells you a lot about their parents. I have had little kids get snappy and rude with me before. Um, no, you are not hanging out with my kid. Forget it.
I don't really like other people's kids. I don't really care for the parents either. I don't like other people attempting to raise my kids or telling me how to do it properly. I don't like playdates scheduled over the phone with people I don't know.
So the question is, is this just me or is this a part of getting older? Am I a special kind of anti-social, other-kids-suck parent or do we get a bit crazier about our kids as we age? I love my kids but this no-one-else-can-do-it-right-but-me thing can be exhausting at times.
My newest addition is a month old now and I recognize the changes in my attitude about things compared to how I was when the other three were infants. Before if someone wanted to hold my little girl, I'd pass her off and enjoy having a break for a minute. Now, I tend to hover and even if I step away, I'm back within a matter of minutes to check and make sure everything is okay.
I don't think I'm going to let her stay with any grandparents alone overnight until she's at least three months old. Why? Because what if she gets hysterical with her crying and no one can calm her? What if something happens and no one can reach me for some reason? These are the fun thoughts that plague me when it comes to my littlest one.
I'm more of a bitch now to my pediatricians about all of my kids when they are sick. When I see a new pediatrician, 75% of the time they are going to say something or do something that rubs me the wrong way or straight up pisses me off. Let's just be honest, I can't stand doctors anyway. I've seen many, many doctors in my life and I can count on one hand how many I actually liked. Two fingers, really.
Pediatricians tend to talk down to me and not really listen to the symptoms I'm describing. Or they ignore my kid while they examine them, which is a big no-no. Kids are usually afraid of doctors and dentists to some degree so they have to be reassured while they're being checked out. And ignoring them or me and rushing through an exam will put you right at the top of my shit list. And that's a long list, people.
The problem with my dislike of people in general is that it is affecting my kids. Two of my kids are not very social. In fact, one doesn't like to socialize with other kids in her class at all. She didn't speak to anyone her entire year in daycare, including the teachers to the point that for a while they thought she couldn't talk or had some kind of serious speech problem.
I don't take them out on playdates. Playdates mean that I have to know other parents. And I have no idea how to make friends with some couple just because they have kids. None of my friends that live in my area have kids. And just how the hell do you find friends for kids that aren't in daycare?
This is the puzzler, the conundrum that I have to figure out to assist my kids with making friends and working on their social skills. Because they really don't need to be people-haters like me. Not yet anyway.
My oldest is nine and she is about to go out to her first sleepover next weekend. Not counting grandparents or anyone blood related, this is her first time going to a party and spending the night with a friend. This is pretty sad on my part because I'm sure that I was much younger when I went to my first sleepover. I'm just weird about sending my kids to the house of someone I don't know. Hell, I rarely let them call their friends because I know that when kids talk, they hatch out elaborate plans to get their parents to let them spend the night over. I know because I did it a lot myself. I'd rather them come over first so I can see how the kid acts. How a kid treats your kid when it's just them and how they talk to you as an adult tells you a lot about their parents. I have had little kids get snappy and rude with me before. Um, no, you are not hanging out with my kid. Forget it.
I don't really like other people's kids. I don't really care for the parents either. I don't like other people attempting to raise my kids or telling me how to do it properly. I don't like playdates scheduled over the phone with people I don't know.
So the question is, is this just me or is this a part of getting older? Am I a special kind of anti-social, other-kids-suck parent or do we get a bit crazier about our kids as we age? I love my kids but this no-one-else-can-do-it-right-but-me thing can be exhausting at times.
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